


Spa Day Panic

by ConstantlyTiredReader



Series: Culture Shocks [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Misunderstandings, Papyrus is trying his best, Reader-Insert, Sans isn't very helpful, reader has no specified gender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 03:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16610636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConstantlyTiredReader/pseuds/ConstantlyTiredReader
Summary: All you wanted was to have a relaxing spa day. Of course, everything becomes slightly less relaxing when Papyrus starts to worry that you're dying.





	Spa Day Panic

With a gentle groan, you sit down on the edge of the tub, checking to see if you have everything you need. You finally have a day off where you don’t have an urgent need to do anything specific, which means that it is now a spa day. Sure, there are more productive things that you could spend your time doing, but you feel like taking a break. Besides, you can’t think of the last time you have been able to devote several consecutive hours to self care, so you are darn well going to take advantage of it. You start some music on your phone before placing it far out of your way; the last thing you need is to drop it in the tub and break it.

About five songs later, you hear three rapid knocks at the door. “PRECIOUS DATE-MATE OF MINE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU APPEAR TO HAVE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR QUITE A WHILE.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“ARE YOU SURE?” He pauses for a moment, before continuing with a slightly queasy tone, “EVEN THOUGH YOU AND FRISK HAVE INFORMED THAT IT IS UNNECESSARY, MY PREVIOUS OFFER TO ASSIST IN ANY AND ALL BATHROOM-RELATED ACTIVITIES STILL STANDS.”

Ugh, you remember that conversation a bit too well. You had barely known either of the skeleton brothers at that point, but you still had the responsibility (you had said duty at the time, but Frisk and Sans’ incessant laughter let you know that it was a mistake you must never repeat) to inform Papyrus why what humans do in a bathroom is a private activity. You brought out high school diagrams and everything. There was some shocked dry-heaving on Papyrus’ end, the poor guy. On a more positive note, that was also the day that you learned that skeletons could blush bright enough to work as a flashlight. The more you know.

“I’m all right, I promise. Heck, if you really want to make sure, you can come on in.”

“IS… IS THAT NOT INAPPROPRIATE?” It’s almost like you can hear the blush growing on his skull. Quickly, you decide to clarify.

“Oh, Paps, I’m not doing _that_ right now. Everything is proper and unrelated to the human digestive system.”

“OH, THANK HEAVENS!” He exclaims as he bursts through the door. “ALTHOUGH IT IS NOT IN MY DATING MANUAL, I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY THAT WE ARE NOT IN A PLACE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP IN WHICH I CAN SPEND TIME IN THE BATHROOM WHILE YOU CONDUCT YOUR… _BUSINESS_.”

“Agreed.”

“SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT HAS KEPT YOU IN HERE FOR SOOOO...” Papyrus’ voice trails off as he stares googly-eyed at your feet. Just as you are about to wave a hand in front of his face, Papyrus activates his internal hyperdrive.

“DEAREST DATE-MATE, YOU’RE DYING! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO UNAWARE TO YOUR PLIGHT?” Before you can figure out what’s going on, he protectively scoops you to his chest, running in circles along the tile floor. “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WHAT DO I DO?”

“Papyrus, what on earth is going on?”

“DO YOU NOT REALISE THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION? OR ARE YOU TOO FAR GONE INTO SHOCK TO REALISE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN DUSTING ALONE IN THE BATHROOM?”

“Dusting?” You ask weakly. In his… whatever you could call this mental state, he’s been holding you rather tightly. This grip thankfully loosens, as his one arm is too busy pointing towards the edge of the bathtub where you left your pumice stone.

Wait, you think you might know what’s going on. “Hey, can we sit down for a moment? We need to talk.”

“OF COURSE!” In a fluid motion, the two of you are placed on the ground, you still in his hold.

“Papyrus, you need to calm down.”

“BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE CALM IF YOU ARE DUSTI-”

“ _I am NOT dusting!_ ” You nearly yell.

“BUT I CAN CLEARLY SEE TRACE AMOUNTS OF DUST WHICH WERE SITTING CLOSE TO YOUR BODY!”

You resist the urge to cradle your head in your hands as you start your explanation.”Look, it’s not like that. I was just exfoliating. That’s when a human uses different materials to remove the dead skin from their body.”

“DEAD SKIN?”

You nod, thankful that he’s starting to understand. “That’s right.”

“YOUR SKIN IS DYING! WHY ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT SOMETHING SO AWFUL!” He gasps in shock, and starts wringing his gloved hands. “ _HOW IS YOUR SKIN SUPPOSED TO PROTECT YOUR INNER SKELETON IF IT’S DYING?_ ”

Crap. Looks like you just managed to freak him out more. All aboard the Panicked Papyrus Express. Next destination: the staircase to the living room, it seems.

“SANS, CALL THE AMBULANCE!” Papyrus shrieks as he runs down the stairs three at a time.

“the ambulance,” you hear him repeat loudly from his room.

“ _SANS!_ ”

“wee-woo wee-woo.” The urge to facepalm is strong. You fight the temptation, if only because you don’t need an actual injury to add to Papyrus’ panic. Plus, with your luck, the motion would throw off your boyfriend’s balance as he carries you, which is definitely not something you want.

“Not helping, my dude.”

“sorry. give me a moment.” Finally, something that might help. It seems like Sans might do something to help clear up this misunderstanding.

Sadly, it only seems that way.

In reality, he just repeats his siren noises with his trombone. You’re starting to understand the annoyance that Papyrus feels towards his brother’s incidental music.

“OR MAYBE I SHOULD CALL MISS TORIEL?" Papyrus continues in his nervous rambling as you glare at Sans' now shut bedroom door. "SHE IS KNOWN TO BE VERY PROFICIENT AT HEALING, AND SHE’S CLOSER THAN THE NEAREST HOSPITAL. SANS, CALL MISS-”

You cover his mouth to shut him up — with your own mouth. The sudden kiss catches him off-guard long enough for you to talk.

“Sans, for the love of everything, do not call Toriel.”

“got it.”

“Thanks.” With that taken care of, you turn yourself around more completely so you can look straight into your boyfriend’s sockets. “Papyrus, I need you to listen right now. That means no freaking out, okay?”

“CAN I FREAK OUT INTERNALLY?”

“I guess,” you shrug, “just as long as you’re listening to me.”

Over the next few minutes, you try to describe about how skin cells shed on a regular basis, which helps let healthier skin come to the surface. It’s not exactly the most scientific thing you’ve ever explained, but in your defense, you never really paid attention too much to why your body does certain things. For you, it’s just normal.

“... AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO ASSIST IN THE REMOVAL OF THESE CELLS BY RUBBING AT THEM WITH A SPECIAL ROCK.”

“I mean, that’s _one_ of the ways you can do it. It also depends on the body part. A pumice stone would be much too harsh if I wanted to exfoliate my face, for example.”

“INTERESTING. SO YOU’RE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE THAT YOU AREN’T DUSTING?”

“More than a hundred percent.” Mainly because humans don’t dust like monsters, but you know what he means. “I’m thinking somewhere around one hundred and three.”

“GOOD.” The next few seconds are pretty quiet, with neither of you speaking.

Suddenly, an idea comes to mind. “Hey, do you want to join me for the rest of my spa day? I still need to finish my other foot, and I have a lot of other things planned.”

Papyrus jumps at your question, nearly knocking you over in his excitement. “I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER ASK. JUST AS LONG AS WE AREN’T PUTTING ANY LIMES ON OUR EYES!”

“Don’t worry about it?” Do you even want to know the story behind that one?

“EXCELLENT! NOW COME ON, AND WE CAN START OUR SPA DAY! PERHAPS, WE CAN EVEN GIVE EACH OTHER SOME MASSAGES LATER, AUDIBLE WINK.”

**Author's Note:**

> For a while, I've been thinking about how monsters might overreact to things like dandruff and shedding skin. After all, regular dust contains skin cells, which probably would be nerve-racking for a species that turns to dust after they die. And thus, this story was born. I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
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> [My Tumblr!](https://constantly-tired-reader.tumblr.com/)


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